The other week, we dove into why fingering is so amazing. We’re back today with tips on how to do it. Below, Casey Tanner, certified sex therapist and expert for LELO, lends a helping hand—so to speak—and guides us through how to finger someone.
Before we begin, some quick housekeeping: “Make sure to remove any rings before penetrating with fingers, as they can hit up against the opening or walls of the vagina,” Tanner says. “And remember that you can also combine external fingering with penetration with a toy or penis, and you can pair internal fingering with oral.”
“When fingering a partner, begin by lightly running the pads of two or three fingers over their vulva. Use this time to check if your partner has naturally lubricated or if you’ll need to introduce additional lubricant (fingering is infinitely better when wet!).
Different people prefer different amounts of pressure on their vulvas, so start with a medium amount of pressure and check in to see if it’s feeling OK for your partner. Pressing the soft undersides of your fingers against their vulva, move two or three fingers in slow ovals to begin stimulating the clitoris and surrounding tissue—this is called ‘orbiting.’ As you do, you’ll likely notice that the clitoris begins to harden and may become easier to locate. Generally, the clitoris is about one to two inches above the vaginal opening, where the inner labia meet.
If your partner’s clitoris tends to be more sensitive, try ‘layering’ by massaging the clitoris more indirectly through the folds of the labia or surrounding skin. You might also try ‘broadening,’ or using your palm rather than fingers, to massage a wider surface area.”
“Similar to fingering the vulva, anal fingering is safer and more pleasurable with lube. People tend to prefer a thicker, silicone-based lubricant for anal fingering because it tends to last longer.
Begin with using the soft pads of one or two fingers to orbit the opening of the anus. If and when your partner is ready for penetration, start by just ‘shallowing’ the anus, or inserting one finger just a few centimeters into the anus. Move slowly in and out, allowing your partner time to relax into the activity. If they desire more, you can begin to move deeper or introduce another finger.”
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