You have sex with your best friend or a hot stranger, perhaps while lying in bed right next to your partner. How does this dream make you feel? Aroused? Uncomfortable? Guilty?
A dream is a conversation you have with yourself about a waking-life issue. Your dreams can give you a chance to test out solutions to your problems and practice different behaviors in the situations you face. In a literal sense, a sexual dream may inspire you to ask your partner for something new in the bedroom. Sexual dreams can also give you a chance to understand conflicts or opportunities in your day-to-day (and sexual) life. Let’s break down a few common examples.
If you dream about having sex in a new position …
It could mean you’re feeling trapped and that you’re itching to unleash new sexual desires.
The scenario: “Emily,” who grew up in an extremely conservative home, was used to only having sex in traditional positions. Recently she had recurring dreams in positions she’d never tried before. Sometimes it wasn’t her husband either. She admitted that her dreams were exciting and they gave her a safe place to practice how it feels to explore her sexual desires. Before long, she took her new ideas out into her waking life and surprised her husband.
If you dream about cheating or being cheated on …
Sexual dreams can also reveal nonsexual issues, so dig deep to find where this betrayal is stemming from.
The scenario: “Andrew” kept dreaming that his wife was cheating on him. Since he felt certain this wasn’t the case, he explored how these dreams made him feel in general: “Betrayed. Surprised. Saddened and angry.” Andrew realized he was describing his tremendous sadness and betrayal when a client of many years, whom he thought he could trust, took their business to a competitor.
If you dream about nipple play …
This could mean you’re holding something in (a thought, conversation, or idea) instead of sharing it out loud.
The scenario: How about “Mary,” who had a recurring dream of her breast being sucked? She understood her dream’s meaning after she described her relationship with her ex to me. Once I learned she had missed an opportunity to speak her mind to him, I offered, “Perhaps you have something to get off your chest?”
If you dream about sex with a co-worker …
It depends on the type of dream, but it tends to mean there’s an underlying situation at work that needs to be addressed internally.
The scenario: Finally, since all the parts of a dream represent aspects of the self, they can reveal a union between these different parts. “Emmy,” who tends to over-accommodate, dreamed she had incredible sex with a selfish co-worker. Her nighttime frolic allowed her to “join together” with a character trait she needed to adopt at work, learning how to say no.
We can choose how we want to behave and who we want to be. Understanding our dreams allows us to be completely in touch with our whole selves when making decisions.
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A specialist in translating the language of metaphor with a focus on solution-finding, dream analyst Layne Dalfen writes the column “Understanding Dreams” in Psychology Today and is known at Oprah Daily as their in-house “Dream Catcher.” A sought-after event speaker and respected dream analyst, teacher, writer, and consultant, Layne is the author of Have a Great Dream, Books 1 & 2. She developed an easy-to-grasp six-step system anyone can use to uncover why they had that crazy dream. Learn more at www.thedreamanalyst.com or follow her Instagram @layne_thedreamanalyst.
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