Swiping starts out like a fun little game—each match a tiny dopamine hit, each message a new possibility. But after a while, it starts to feel like a soul-draining chore. An infinite rotation of self-proclaimed sapiosexuals, out-of-focus sunset photos captioned “you had to be there,” and, of course, the classic “not looking for anything serious right now” match.
You go in hoping for a real connection, a long-term partner … hell, even just a decent first date.
But the app is like, “Best I can do is a situationship with an avoidantly-attached bartender.”
There’s only so many dead-end conversations and 2 a.m. “wyd?” texts a person can take before dating fatigue sets in. So how do you keep your optimism intact? We spoke with Dr. Marie Thouin, a mindful dating and relationship expert, for her best tips on staying positive in the modern dating world.
“Stop swiping when you’re bored, distracted, or angry,” she says. “Instead, create a daily ritual. Choose a time and space where you get centered, love yourself, and swipe with your true intentions front of mind.”
2. Stay in control of your technology.
“Don’t let the algorithms hijack your brain! Turn off ALL notifications, and limit your swiping to 15 or 20 minutes per day,” Dr. Thouin says.
3. Don't put all your eggs in the dating apps basket.
“Have plenty of other activities in your schedule that allow you to meet new people, and ask people out!” she advises.
4. Remember that love is something you already have.
“You’re just trying to share it with someone special,” Dr. Thouin says. “If you imagine that you can’t have love in your life until someone CHOOSES you, swiping will always be anxiety-provoking. But when you focus on what you have to give, you can lead with abundance rather than deficit—which, ironically, makes you a lot more magnetic.”
At the end of the day, dating apps are just a tool. So if swiping is starting to feel super depressing, take a step back, set some boundaries, and remember that love isn’t something you find—it’s something you bring.
And if all else fails? Just know that somewhere, at this very moment, another man is uploading a fish pic. Sometimes a little laughter is the best medicine.
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