Sometimes, we’re on a mission. Hey, we’ve all got needs, a crush, or come across a, ahem, promising opportunity. But there is nothing more cringey than an obstacle getting between you and a successful mission, even when that obstacle is a beloved friend. Take a few cues.
The wing woman who won’t back down
You bring your bestie everywhere. You complement each other, so it’s easy to attract someone when you two are together, setting an inviting scene, being oh-so entertaining. Who wouldn’t want in on your circle? But when you’ve attracted a potential cutie and your BFF won’t give you two any margin, how do you tell him/her to scram, lovingly?
Start speaking in “we,” making it clear that you don’t mean your BFF. Mention that “you two” might like to go somewhere else, and you’ll catch up with your bestie later. Don’t forget to text him/her so they know you’re alright.
You got to his house, and his dog is so sweet. Like devastatingly sweet. You’re ready to take on the parent role … one day. Not now. Now is about you.
Give yourself a moment to bond with this pet in front of your date, then mention that you might not want his/her pup to feel left out and maybe you two should hang out alone for the time being.
You know the friend—the one who is always cracking jokes, is the life of the party, knows how to heckle friends, all within reason. It’s all fun and games until you’re trying to get some attention on you from a special someone. Even worse when you end up being the brunt of the joke in front of your crush.
This one is all about body language. When your friend hits the punchline, don’t laugh loudly, embarrassed, looking at your friend. Look directly at your crush, and lean closer. Become an audience of two, enjoying your friend as if they were the paid entertainer. When the show hits a pause, suggest the two of you break off to get some air, or a refill.
This could be a jealous acquaintance or someone who doesn’t realize you’re trying to pick up your subject at hand. Maybe they ask awkwardly, “Are you two together?” Or bring up someone from your dating past.
You don’t have to give a generous response to everyone or everything. Instead of overcompensating by bashing an ex or enthusiastically exclaiming that oh no, you’re not a couple, ha-ha, simply answer curtly, quietly, and straightforwardly. It will diffuse the situation without giving it any memorable context.
Of course. It’s taken months to get you motivated to go to a bar, and as soon as you’re out there feeling cute and flirty, who walks in the door? Your ex. You suddenly feel flustered, off your game, and less confident.
First things first, don’t lose control. Find a moment to take some deep breaths, either when your cutie turns their head or during a trip to the bathroom. If it’s easy to avoid contact with your ex, completely cut out their presence and focus on your date. If it’s not easy, then don’t awkwardly avoid eye contact. Smile and nod, but don’t go out of your way to greet them unless you are standing very close. There is no need to share with your date that your ex is there, unless you are losing control and they need to know that it’s not them. That can be something you share later, when you’re both removed from the situation. Nothing kills the mood more than both of you feeling uncomfortable!
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