How much total time have we spent lamenting romantic lovers who just keep coming up short compared to our absolutely incredible, sustaining, enduring friends? Lifetimes, perhaps. Centuries. Millenia.
If you’ve ever subconsciously compared your lovers’ actions to the actions of your friends and expected better from them (because, ehem, “love is a verb,” ehem—Bell Hooks), you’re not alone. In fact, friendships can be some of the most fulfilling and truly genuine relationships of our lives.
Trauma therapist Molly Garber once told us, “Friendship is the ultimate romance.”
Where’s the lie?
Before we fall to the ground in despair, crying to our shining, supportive, adoring friends that we will certainly die alone because Chad won’t text us back … let’s take a look around. Soulmates aren’t just reserved for bedroom pals. Tamarin Oblowitz, founder of Empowher Healing, breaks it down.
“Yes, we have many soulmates in all of our different lifetimes. The idea of ‘one soulmate’ is a myth that needs to be debunked, as it sets us up for failure. We can have platonic soulmates while also being involved with a romantic soulmate simultaneously.
“Soulmates are people who cross our paths to teach us lessons and expand our soul in love and lessons. The term ‘soulmate’ is most often associated with romantic love, but the truth is, we have soulmates in friends and family too,” Tamarin explains.
So, is there a difference between a platonic soulmate and a romantic soulmate?
“Both are the same really, except one is platonic and one is romantic. A platonic soulmate is someone you’re meant to stay friends with, but your souls cross paths and you learn lessons from one another.
“You may have a soul contract to stay friends for a lifetime, or your soul contract may mean this person is your soulmate for a limited time until you both learn the lessons needed to expand and evolve your souls.
“With a romantic soulmate, the same exists. You could both have a soul contract to be romantically connected and involved for a lifetime, or your soul contracts could also mean that you were meant to cross paths and be romantically involved for a limited time until your souls learn the lessons they need.”
Wow. Even her explanation is romantic. Somehow the idea that a soulmate’s contract may not be forever is actually comforting.
Tamarin actually refers to them as “soul contracts:”
“Essentially, our souls signed up for absolutely everything. It’s a concept that’s really hard to conceptualize at times. How has my soul signed up for trauma? How has it signed up for pain? Well, the soul is here to expand.
“Your consciousness is here to grow. None of that happens during comfort. It happens during discomfort. It happens during break ups, loss, etc. It is through soulmate relationships that we learn our deepest lessons, whether it be platonically or romantically.
“Life becomes a little easier when we remind ourselves that we signed up for everything we have experienced, are experiencing, and will experience.”
That’s called living life, baby.
Tamarin Oblowitz holds a master’s in Clinical Psychology and has trained at prestigious clinics in Beverly Hills, California. Through her travels, attending Balinese healing and yoga retreats, and life experiences, Tam has merged her psychotherapy experience and background with her spiritual guidance and intuitive and energetic healing capabilities. She now calls Sydney, Australia, home. Tam offers one-on-one sessions (in-person and virtual) that merge the traditional psychotherapy model with more holistic spiritual guidance and healing. Follow her on Instagram at @EmpowHERhealing.
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