Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column where readers submit questions, and we do our research and then craft a story to answer as many as we can. We recently tapped Liz Goldwyn—author, filmmaker, and the founder of The Sex Ed, an educational platform and podcast dedicated to sex, health, and consciousness in the digital age—to provide her expert insight on a handful of the steamiest submissions. Today’s topic, BJs and how to increase your partner’s oral pleasure.
“Well, first things first: there is no such thing as a perfect blow job. While it’s great to want to give your partner fantastic, mind-blowing oral sex—if you are more focused on how you’re doing, versus how they’re feeling, then most likely it’s not going to go as well as it could.
Communication is key, and while it can be awkward at times, it can also be extremely sexy. Have your partner describe to you, in words, before you get started, what they like in a blow job. You can even ask them what they think makes for a ‘perfect’ blow job! Think of this as informative dirty talk. You’ll have a better road map to guide you through the process. Sexuality is not one size fits all, and while one person might ascend to the heavens when you caress their perineum (aka the taint, which, when massaged, externally stimulates the ‘male G-spot’), another might not want you to go there at all.
On The Sex Ed Podcast, I spoke with sex educator Lou Paget, and she imparted some great advice on giving head, recommending a ‘tower’ technique that incorporates both hands and mouth. Stacking your hands around the shaft of the penis, create a ‘seal’ with your mouth on top. Make sure you’re using plenty of saliva or lube, and twist your hands as you move up and down. This technique uses four different motions to stimulate the penis—there’s the up and down, twisting, as well as tongue and mouth action, all happening at the same time.
Always remember that sex is human, messy, and can be awkward. Especially oral sex. Letting go of the idea of perfection will make for a more satisfactory, pleasurable, and—most importantly—FUN experience!”
Stay tuned for Liz’s next sex talk column, and drop us a DM for a chance to have your question answered (anonymously of course).
Liz Goldwyn is an author, filmmaker, and the founder of The Sex Ed, an educational platform and podcast dedicated to sex, health, and consciousness in the digital age. A passionate advocate of sex education, Goldwyn is committed to providing resources for others to explore sexual wellness. Goldwyn is the writer and director of the documentary Pretty Things (HBO, 2005). She is the author of the nonfiction book Pretty Things: The Last Generation of American Burlesque Queens (HarperCollins, 2006) and the novel Sporting Guide (Regan Arts/Phaidon, 2015). Goldwyn’s short films include Underwater Ballet (2008), L.A. at Night (2009), The Painted Lady (2012), Dear Diary (2013), Love Meditation (2016), and Cello Dream (2017).
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