Being coupled up is often portrayed as the ultimate goal in life, so it’s no wonder that singledom bears a societal stigma that many people have adopted.
But being single most definitely has its perks!
To reframe your mindset in this area (as with any other area), you must first honor your feelings. If you’re down in the dumps and sick of your single status, it’s essential to give yourself an abundance of compassion.
That said, it’s possible to simultaneously hold space for your feelings and create new mindset shifts, aka reframes.
What does a new “single” mindset look like?
Well, as much as you may deeply desire to share your life with a special someone, being single can actually be empowering and liberating.
Being single means you can:
- Focus solely on yourself, your personal growth, your self-development, and your self-care routine, which can add a layer of richness, opportunity, purpose, intimacy, and beauty to your life.
- Pursue your own passions, interests, and hobbies without being distracted or compromising your time.
- Date yourself and be in a relationship with yourself. When in a relationship with a partner, it’s often more challenging to go within. We pour a lot of our energy into the other person. Sometimes, people use a relationship as an escape from themselves. Being single gives you the opportunity to really get to know, value, appreciate, and love yourself.
- Decide what to do with your time. If you want to spend the next four hours binge-watching rom-coms, you can.
- Travel anywhere, anytime.
- Spend time with anyone. You’ll have more time to build your friendships and social circles. Have you ever noticed how some friends totally go MIA when they couple up? Their time is consumed.
- Save yourself from conflict and a whole lot of drama. We often romanticize the idea of a relationship, but each one has its flaws, challenges, and conflicts, especially if you’re with a partner who is mismatched and misaligned with you. This creates a lot of drama and depletes your energy.
- Wear whatever you want and decorate your pad any way you please. This may include wearing your old college sweats 24/7 and setting up your apartment to look like a flea market in Marrakech.
- Invest in yourself. When you’re the giver in a relationship (especially with the wrong person), you may forget about taking care of yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically when you are in a relationship.
- Have room to grow. Being in the wrong relationship can be likened to wearing shoes that are too small. It can give your sole (and your soul!) blisters.
A relationship is like a plant that needs water and light to thrive. Otherwise, it simply dies.
Try using your single time to learn about yourself and pour energy into yourself. If a relationship is something you crave, just know that being single and dating yourself will equip you to be a better partner and build a better relationship down the road.
Tamarin Oblowitz holds a master’s in Clinical Psychology and has trained at prestigious clinics in Beverly Hills, California. Through her travels, attending Balinese healing and yoga retreats, and life experiences, Tam has merged her psychotherapy experience and background with her spiritual guidance and intuitive and energetic healing capabilities. She now calls Sydney, Australia, home. Tam offers one-on-one sessions (in-person and virtual) that merge the traditional psychotherapy model with more holistic spiritual guidance and healing. Follow her on Instagram at @EmpowHERhealing.
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